Lost...

You know that person I told you about in the first paragraph of my last post? Well now my other friend is jealous because they think I am more interested in this person than I am in them. Yes I might be more interested in the other person but thats just because I want to be this other persons best friend.

Now I know in my heart that I will never get to be this persons best friend. We have little in common, some of the things she does are the very things I promised myself I would never do. The main reason I am interested in her is because of where she comes from. The fact that she is the first person around my age I have met that comes from that country. Now most of you will know that I REALLY want to go to that country.

My friend should know that even though I am more interested in this person it doesn't mean that I am not interested in them. I still want to be there friend and I value there friendship quite a lot.

On other matter: The person who I said I had found that could be my special friend still hasn't realised that I mean them so I am giving them one week to ask me if it is them. So if you think it is you, ask me in anyway you want: Email, in person, Facebook or twitter I don't care.

I just want to say that I value all my friends quite a lot.

A special friend....

About 2 weeks ago I met a very special person. This person mean't a lot to me. All I wanted was for this person to like me and to be my best friend. This person was nothing special and they probably wasn't the best roll model. They were a year older then me. I think I kinda idolised this person a bit.

I think what I needed, and still need, is a special friend. A friend I could rely on, who would always be there for me, someone I could tell my secrets to and someone who trusted ME. I was thinking about this last night and I realised that I already had founded a person who could be all of that (you know who you are) Someone who likes me for who I am and doesn't care about how old I am or anything like that. Someone who has already been thorugh everything I am yet to go through. Someone who I know will be reading this (and I don't want any questions asking if it's you, I couldn't bring myself to answer)

To all my pre-existing friends (on and offline) I realise that recently I probably haven't paid much attention to whats going on in our friendship and in your life . I have been to caught up in finding a special friend and I haven't seen that I already have something special with all of you. From now on I'm gonna try and pay more attention. This is my promise to everyone of my friends and I intend to keep this promise

Five years old and getting more anoying

I have this five year old sister who is REALLY anoying. She is forever anoying me. She get treated like a princess by my parents, she never gets punished for anything and she gets whatever she wants. My parents don't believe that she has the ability to lie even though she has lied to them before. Aparently she is just "playing"

Every time I ask her to do something she just says in her snobbist voice: "I don't have to do it" or "I don't wanna do it" She never listens to anything I tell her to do. She is forever coming into my room and when I tell her to get out she just says: "No"

She thinks that its all right to kick me and hit me if she is trying to do something.

How do I get her to start behaving?

The future is a big place...

Have you ever read some famous persons story where they say they reached a certain age and then they just knew what they were gonna be when they were old and wondered how do they know that? How did they know that that was what they were mean't to be?

Well thats how I am feeling right now. I used to know exactly what I wanted to be when I was older but they someone put that doubt in my mind. They said to me that they didn't think I would be good at that and now I doubt that what I want to be is what I am suppose to be. As I said to my friend once:

The Doctor has change the way I see the world and the way I live my life. He has shown me that theres more to the world then I thought before. That my life has more meaning. That I might not be able to save every life but if I could just save 1 or 2 then my life was worth it. The way I want to die is saving the life of someone. Thats the best way to die, expesially if its a stranger that you don't know very well. Please try and understand. The future is all I have at the moment. If like was a game I think I would have lost by now but lifes not a game. Imagine it like there were a series of paths and with more paths coming of them and every choice you make is a new path, I think at some point I make the wrong choice. I know what I want from life but I don't know how to get it. I'm not scared of dieing, I'm scared of going the wrong way on the path of life.

I guess thats all I really know about where I want to go with my future.