Future...

I have always believe that everyone has the power to do whatever they want with their life but now I am starting to doubt that... I mean, how many people thought when they were teenagers 'Oh when I grow up I'm going to work in macdonalds for the rest of my life' Not many, so now I have a new theory:

Everyone has the ability to do whatever they want with their lifes but only a few have the power to actually make it happen for them. I just hope that I am one of those people because I have a lot of things I want to do with my life and very few of them have anything to do with being that nobody who serves you your food, who you look at and then forget three seconds later.

I atleast want to be a nobody that does something good, something worthwhile where atleast one person will respect them for what they did.

Well in theory I want to be the Slayer but really thats not a very big possibility as she is a fiction character in a TV show. Maybe....

Random Stuff

Why did I just think it was April? I dunno, maybe I am reading to many diary style books. Well its the 2nd of July today. I know its only been a couple of days since my last blog post but I'm bored so I decided to write on my blog.

I need to start doing a lot more writing. I'm gonna start a sort of timetable when I get to the new house where I set asside certain times for writing. I have also been meaning to write a letter to my friend for AGES but I just havn't found the time to do it yet. Maybe I should do that now instead of writing this? Yeah I guess I will

New look. New update

Well I have just finished changing the format and colours of my blog, I hope you all like it. I am going to try and do a bit more advertising for my blog and hopefully get more readers. It would be brilliant if I could reach this blog out to more people and to get to a wider variety of people.

Recently my life has been really strange and a lot of stuff is changing. Do you know that feeling when you know something is going to happen, going to change but it just feels like a dream, like it is never REALLY going to happen. Its the sort of feeling you get when something has been the same way for as long as you can remember and suddenly it about to change? Yeah, thats how I am feeling right now.

In about two month I am going to move house, the new house is only about twenty minutes away but it still feels strange because I have lived in the house I live in for as long as I can remember. I also feel like that when I think about leaving school, I know that one day it is going to happen but it feels like it won't happen.

We got a new kid at school this week, me and my friend have been talking to them and trying to make friends with them. I'm not really sure it they want to be friends with us but we might as well try. Its begining to annoy me that my other friend doesn't really seem to care about the new kid.

More friend stuff, the other day I got an email from my friend that I haven't spoken to since January which was really good. I was so excited when I saw that I had an email from her,

Basically thats all I have to say for now. Hopefully I will get more people reading my blog soon...

How do you go about becoming friends with someone that is a year above you? That I would like to know. I can't just go up and say hi to them because they are ALWAYS with their friends and I can't to the them infront of their friends. What do I do? I really want to be friend with this person. I really am not brave enough to just go up and talk to them.

PLEASE HELP!!!

Lifes up...and downs

The last few weeks have been a bit strange.... a lot of different things have happened.
I have finally got back in contact with this person I was best friends with when I was younger. She is a couple of years older then me and we don't have much in common but we still talk.
I've been trying to make friends with this girl who is a year above me at school. Its not all that easy. We have only ever spoken on facebook and we don't ever speak at school, I don't even think she knows who I am.... oh well, all friendships have to start somewhere.
I still talk to the English one which is good. Actually she is a lot like the school one because of the international thing. See the one from school comes from America.
Adding to the America-one I only have about one year to befriend her before she moves back to America....

Two questions...

Ok so a friend of mine asked me two questions: Is it possible to be home sick for a place you have never been to? and is it possible to miss someone you have never met? So I guess this is my attempt at answering them, but if anyone reading this has a different answer then I would like to here it, just comment on this post.

Is it possible to be home sick for a place you have never been to?

Well I would say home sick is the wrong term to use. Home sick sort of implys that that is your home. If you have never been there then it can't be your home can it? But I answer to the actual question I would have to say that it you have a special connect to that place in some way then maybe you can miss it even though you have never been there.

I asked another of my friends this and they said: 'Maybe if in a past life something special happened to you there then you could feel home sick for that place' Now to say this was true would be kinda saying that there are such things as past life. I don't think I believe in them, because if they were real what would be the point of this life?

Now on to the second question:

Is it possible to miss someone that you have never met?

Umm I'm not really sure what my answer to this question is. I guess maybe you can, if you feel that you know them really well. Maybe if this person died before you got to meet them you could miss them simply out of gief.

Ok for anyone out there reading this, can you please help me out?

A invisible barrier...

Some times I feel like I am surrounded by an invisible wall. This wall won't let anyone in. To some people it might seem like I don't trust them or something like that. In my past I have trusted some people a little to easily and I have ended up being hurt. When I am talking to people I don't know in real life I don't tell them things about me like my age straight away because I think that they would think I'm to young or something. This is probably hardly ever the case, most people are better tgeb tgar but just to be sure I talk to them for a while first, just to get them to get to know me first. Some of you might think this is lying but it's not, if I am directly asked a question like 'how old are you?' I would answer with the truth. Also sometimes I won't say what I am really thinking or feeling for risk of insulting them or causing them to doubt my friendship. Again, most of the time, this isn't the case but I still think it is. I am going to try to be a more trusting person and to try and let people through that wall but its not that easy so just have patience, over time I will trust you more and more.

To everyone I haven't let through yet I really am sorry, this is just part of who I am.

To everyone I have: Consider yourself lucky and I hope that our friendship lasts a long time

Lost...

You know that person I told you about in the first paragraph of my last post? Well now my other friend is jealous because they think I am more interested in this person than I am in them. Yes I might be more interested in the other person but thats just because I want to be this other persons best friend.

Now I know in my heart that I will never get to be this persons best friend. We have little in common, some of the things she does are the very things I promised myself I would never do. The main reason I am interested in her is because of where she comes from. The fact that she is the first person around my age I have met that comes from that country. Now most of you will know that I REALLY want to go to that country.

My friend should know that even though I am more interested in this person it doesn't mean that I am not interested in them. I still want to be there friend and I value there friendship quite a lot.

On other matter: The person who I said I had found that could be my special friend still hasn't realised that I mean them so I am giving them one week to ask me if it is them. So if you think it is you, ask me in anyway you want: Email, in person, Facebook or twitter I don't care.

I just want to say that I value all my friends quite a lot.

A special friend....

About 2 weeks ago I met a very special person. This person mean't a lot to me. All I wanted was for this person to like me and to be my best friend. This person was nothing special and they probably wasn't the best roll model. They were a year older then me. I think I kinda idolised this person a bit.

I think what I needed, and still need, is a special friend. A friend I could rely on, who would always be there for me, someone I could tell my secrets to and someone who trusted ME. I was thinking about this last night and I realised that I already had founded a person who could be all of that (you know who you are) Someone who likes me for who I am and doesn't care about how old I am or anything like that. Someone who has already been thorugh everything I am yet to go through. Someone who I know will be reading this (and I don't want any questions asking if it's you, I couldn't bring myself to answer)

To all my pre-existing friends (on and offline) I realise that recently I probably haven't paid much attention to whats going on in our friendship and in your life . I have been to caught up in finding a special friend and I haven't seen that I already have something special with all of you. From now on I'm gonna try and pay more attention. This is my promise to everyone of my friends and I intend to keep this promise

Five years old and getting more anoying

I have this five year old sister who is REALLY anoying. She is forever anoying me. She get treated like a princess by my parents, she never gets punished for anything and she gets whatever she wants. My parents don't believe that she has the ability to lie even though she has lied to them before. Aparently she is just "playing"

Every time I ask her to do something she just says in her snobbist voice: "I don't have to do it" or "I don't wanna do it" She never listens to anything I tell her to do. She is forever coming into my room and when I tell her to get out she just says: "No"

She thinks that its all right to kick me and hit me if she is trying to do something.

How do I get her to start behaving?

The future is a big place...

Have you ever read some famous persons story where they say they reached a certain age and then they just knew what they were gonna be when they were old and wondered how do they know that? How did they know that that was what they were mean't to be?

Well thats how I am feeling right now. I used to know exactly what I wanted to be when I was older but they someone put that doubt in my mind. They said to me that they didn't think I would be good at that and now I doubt that what I want to be is what I am suppose to be. As I said to my friend once:

The Doctor has change the way I see the world and the way I live my life. He has shown me that theres more to the world then I thought before. That my life has more meaning. That I might not be able to save every life but if I could just save 1 or 2 then my life was worth it. The way I want to die is saving the life of someone. Thats the best way to die, expesially if its a stranger that you don't know very well. Please try and understand. The future is all I have at the moment. If like was a game I think I would have lost by now but lifes not a game. Imagine it like there were a series of paths and with more paths coming of them and every choice you make is a new path, I think at some point I make the wrong choice. I know what I want from life but I don't know how to get it. I'm not scared of dieing, I'm scared of going the wrong way on the path of life.

I guess thats all I really know about where I want to go with my future.